I've always been told that I was born angry either by my relatives or my closest friends. I wonder if that is even true since I talk, act and move angrily. Maybe it is.
People think I am angry 24/7 but in reality, I'm not. Maybe I've been so mad for most of my whole life that it comes out naturally. My closest friends were already very much used to my mood swings and surges of rage but people who just met me are well, either scared or they go away or misunderstand me thinking that I'm mad at them, which most of the time I am not.
It is my habit to let out my anger since keeping them is painful, literally and figuratively. In my work, I am known as an irate agent, someone who gets really angry in the phone and has a tendency to pick a fight with a customer. In my former job, irate agents are the best ones. Even in my current job, even if I am an irate agent my perfomance is good if not great. My teammate remarked on that saying: "Irate na 'yan." When I've been consistently getting good scores.
For one thing this feeling has kept me strong for the past 8 years but it is getting tiring and I am not happy anymore. Not to mention that it is not fun to be alone because of snapping peoples' heads off.
I was promised by my coach here at work to be nicer on the phone since I always begin my day by yelling at the PC and cursing. In this case, maybe I'm tired of coming to work where you know that you're being made an ass of but still comes to work because you have to, not because you enjoy going to work.
I don't know what I would be like without my anger. When I think about it, I feel helpless and weak. But myabe I need to rely on my anger. It would kill me one day.
1 comment:
I can relate to that. Maybe, being angry means that you don't let people give you shit. I don't think your anger is something that makes you cloud your judgment but rather something that makes you always want to evaluate your situation. But yeah, it leads to thinking and thinking is stressful :D
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